the CRUCIALBLE

facing the most CRUCIAL decision in my life yet.

do i stay (here) or finish my EP with the 3rd set of producers (who do seem legit). or do i break what could be another cycle keeping me here for another 3-6 months easily?

In NY I can hit the stand-up scene granted I don't have any new headshots. I have raw vocals for 3 tracks on my project thus far. I can get hitched up with Walter's connect and get acting work once I am there. It will be a new start. I can choose to go to conservatory, university or trade school? All out of my own pocket and with scholarships.

So, im going home today to talk with my people then use my mind after consulting with them and come up with an answer and be able to move on as necessary.

My Music is dynamite, but im walking out on someone who not only believes, but has given what they can and more to get it done... but what if their time table is just off.
They have the belief and small means but can't get it out in the time necessary. Im not doggin your pocketbook but, i just feel the first two attempts down here were a fail, with the factory and the walrus. then knowing the factory could no longer provide, i went back anyway, and sure enough kicked out the factory. Im sure you saw my thoughts then, and perhaps that is why you pressed to move on the new guys. it also could have been because you too wanted to get it done; (whether to start your product or natural excitement).

But more thought needs to go into our actions as a business, we are performers wanting a business, we need to perform then attend to business when we are properly able.

More than an individual I want to do what is right for myself, and show the gratitude to my caretaker of the past 3 1/2 months! aaaggh... * sigh *

The deal is good but i feel i will be trapped and really hate it in 2 months! id love to get my cd done and dip but even that... maybe i just need to visit first see how walt is living then comeback and decide...but i dont have that type of time unless i go along with this recording process. (these are the details of the bigger decision).

either i stay another year almost or take the opening now and go! i will feel trapped everyday, im sure.

being young and flighty ain't easy. am i flighty ?

i think i just need to speak up sooner and more; the lesson of dozens of fortune cookies, horoscopes, motherly lectures, and self talks.. do it already!

TakeTheWorld

i said i wanted nothing but a house phone one day and look what I've got.

I said I wouldn't live long, as i gather change to buy a loosie!

I said I'll be the greatest ever. but look at how much practice i put in.

only lackin because my focus is normal.

its Matt Damon Countless hours time!

keep off my foot, and you wont get stepped over!

baller fishing -looking for change

i think he lied.

maybe she is gone and i won't feel bad, but the facts will be there and i will know.

but i think you lied sir.

i need a quarter. never should i not have at least that.

can't wait to text again.

-man

[found out he was telling the truth...and no, i don't feel like a jerk for questioning death]

swag me the fuck out before you get punched in your fukkin' mouth

HOW GORGEOUS AM I?I GUESS I'LL DETERMINE IT.

No I AM RIGHT THEY JUST DONT KNOW IT! I WANT IT MY STYLE!
THIS IS WHATS HOT ! THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE.

I AM RIGHT, I AM ALWAYS RIGHT! TO ME.

MAAAAAN, IM RIGHT ABOUT ALL THAT SHIT! BECAUSE IM WATCHING HAPPEN. FUCK YOU, FUCK OFF AND KILL THE ENERGY THAT HOLDS YOU BACK.

THE MIND OF LACK , DISCIPLINE AND SENSE OF REALITY ARE OFTEN TORN. GAIN YOUR SELF,AND YOUR SENSE OF BEING.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE: CHOSEN GOLDEN AND SPECIAL BY YOUR OWN BLESSING.
YOU DON'T NEED SOMEONES APPROVAL. YOU ARE YOUR APPROVAL! YOU ARE THE REASON YOU WAKE UP; BECAUSE YOU TOOK THE INITIATIVE, AND GAINED THE HELP OF SOMEONE ELSE OR DID IT YOURSELF, BUT NONETHELESS YOU PROPELLED YOURSELF UP AND TO BE PRODUCTIVE, FOR YOU!

I MAY NOT LIKE THE GUY, BUT M.A.R.S' IS STRONG AND THE TRUTH.

'BE ORIGINAL OR BE DEAD"

Praise Yourself

you gotta have a crazy confidence because otherwise you don't have confidence.

In an age thats pushes out at an extreme rate, you must pull from within and push greatness out from yourself .

and vice-versa.

4-19-11

i know, i know... i look better in real life.

through all the "ohm's" and meditations, the moment that was the most real was to finally be in the moment. i was in the moment and able to operate my life and time accordingly to it. by the hour i was more in touch and able to think.

All throughout life i have been so caught up with the future, what i want for it, and what i want it to be. To the point that i am rarely able to realize that the present makes my future. i have to use the present to have a better future. To dream and fantasize is cool, but you can only achieve your dreams by using the present, and taking full advantage of the time available to you at the present moment.

All throughout school i would forget about each year's lessons, focusing on getting out of school each year, for the entire year and eventually focusing on not having to go school anymore because it wasted my time. Had I understood my present predicts my future, or even that you cannot have a future without first being in the present, or even-even (lol) that the future is not yet here but the present is... i believe much more could have been accomplished.

No reason to blame anyone for not telling me, because you know what, I don't trust people with information so close and personal to me. But things need to change. I need to trust, I want to trust, I want great friends, I need great friends.

I need confidence... i remember hearing ..I have great ideas but i don't let anyone help... Its time to change in realism to what can be done...and work my life to be great.

thank you.

half hourhand and 30 minute hand.

washing your hands is like a mini shower for your hands. It's ok to wash your hands, I know it has to be done a lot throughout the day, but its a simple principle wash (like your ass) your hands. its ok, do it; its apart of your hygiene.

dog have four legs n the ground, we have hands that touch everything, even the dog with four legs on the ground. Be clean.

Lara & Iona

sitting payed for, the worry off our back when we lay in bed, or from last night movies.

The sky is your wrist...bended as your fingers twirl in my curly even more... you the fro.

our backs, cracked as the same drip has become a tiny waterfall you make jokes about being tiny, and having ant size. I laugh, further -throwing mutual friends as we guess their reactions...tell your girlfriends about it.

wish for one mildly warm breeze. on the left Nat Sherman and on the right over the end of 'the groups' cigarello- which contains regular grade weed and Bugler tobacco. the first (made purely of weed) for Iona because they love getting rainy days... see, Iona the second because they know love you get . Lara can't worthy smoking for shit. We pick on her it. Yeah...sometimes we go too far.

This is really much easier than any linear us have had. I a woman and they too as well, but a man; what in this moment doesn't require more bodies, just present to closer touching. Huh!?!...Im unrealistic?No, you are. all people only need a Gemini so i [laugh]

[dot]dot[dot]

soft and brown

i have to meet with the man about my photoshoot at 6:30p.

Its 4p. im going to spend my last dollar today on Ziggy Wraps.

The day will be fine regardless.

...the FUCK%!?

that moment when you look up a word, that leads to another word that is defined by a clusterfuck of words that mean nothing more than the word you already don't know and that Tag Team Merriam-Webster thinks they've defined.

balls growing bigger.

sitting in a home. payed for, that way the worry is off our back when we lay in bed, or the palette we made from last night because we were watching movies.

The sky is cloudy grey with a blue tone. your wrist...bended as your fingers twirl in my wavy, curly massacre even more... but you like the fro.

We lay on our backs, the window cracked as the same drip we watched at 9am, has become a tiny waterfall by 11a. you make "what if" jokes about everyone being tiny, and having to scramble at ant size. I laugh, going further -throwing mutual friends in the mix as we guess their reactions...you'll both tell your girlfriends about it.

We 3,lay...wonder..and wish for one mildly warm breeze. on the left of me Lara smokes a Nat Sherman cigarette, and on the right Rana has just folded over the end of 'the groups' second cigarello- which contains regular grade weed and Bugler tobacco. See, I rolled the first (made purely of weed) for Lara and Rana because they love getting high on rainy days...and see, Rana rolled the second because they know I love the high you get from smoking spliffs. Lara can't roll anything worthy of smoking for shit. We always pick on her about it. Yeah...sometimes we go too far.

This Triangle is really much easier than any linear thing any of us have ever had. I consider adding a woman and they too as well, but a man; but what we have in this moment doesn't require more bodies, just the present ones to be closer and touching.

[dot]dot[dot]

Brown girls and Light-Skinned Cuties

its like:

i want to be productive.

but i also want to nap. i choose to shorten my nap only to be tortured by my work ethic when i awake. -

Work Ethic : i know you shortened your nap to 20 minutes but you still could have gotten so much done in that time.

I wake up get on tumblr...

20 minutes later i say aloud... say that again?

"don't wake me up next time." There is a time to work and to sleep.

Don't talk about work while I'm Sleeping